26 September 2014

Buy My Poems about the Mayan Calendar Below | the Cholq'ij | Sacred | Chiaia

You can buy the Sacred Calendar (and my other books) from Amazon or for a little bit cheaper directly through me using the button below.

If you simply want to have your Mayan Daysign Reading, please visit my Cholq'ij Mayan Daysign Reading Blog

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07 August 2014

I Am Always Apologizing Recently

Sorry, honey
Sorry, ten guys beating me
Sorry, police who made me sit in my own urine
Sorry guy who bought my bar and got a criminal charge brought against me by driving a kid who ripped the tendons in his ankle by kicking me in the ribs to the hospital
Sorry foreclosed landlady for giving you money to repay the loan you defaulted on
Sorry to make you sue me for 3,000 when you owe over 300,000
Sorry loanshark, Sang Il, who is suing my landlady
Sorry that my landlady didn't take the rent money I paid for three years and use it to repay the original bank loan 
Sorry new owner that you have to kick us out
Sorry Israel for supporting Palestinians trying not to be refugees and repeatedly mocking your dumb rhetoric 
Sorry Mayan Indians, Triqui Insians, and all others who have been displaced
In Korea you see old women carrying babies on back (but they'll never forgive the Japanese or Americans)
But in the refugee camps in Chiapas you see babies on the backs of young girls cause siblings care for siblings after their parents and grandparents are gone
Sorry bitchy woman in restaurant for being too loud playing with my son
Sorry sorry sorry for all of it
You're right, honey, it's all my fault

28 July 2014

The Sacred Mayan Calendar | My New Book | Assault | Arrest | Subsequent Dismissal |

Well, it has certainly been an interesting month or two since my last post on this blog. Business-wise, I sold my bar. My pool game landed me at 2006 in the Itaewon Pool League, firmly in the top 20 all time (as high as 15th in some calibrations--it fluctuates like real life). In personal news, I was arrested for assault in a weird twist of fate.

Book Available on Amazon
In book news, the Sacred Calendar is now out at amazon as both a paperback and as a kindle book. It's also available at Barnes & Noble, Kobo, iBooks, Sony Bookstore, and more. You can also buy it directly from me as both a paperback and an eBook (provided in MOBI or EPUB or PDF formats). I'm charging $1 for e-copies and $5 for paperbacks. The other people are all charging different amounts. One crazy vendor was charging $1,899.99 at some point. By email the owner told me, "it was a mistake."

I'm currently homeless. Don't think walking the streets alone begging for bread. Think staying at a beach in Thailand with lots of palm trees eating dragonfruit while teaching Damani how to swim. See ralphadelic @ instagram from photos.I have no job and I wiggled free of a very oppressive (yet really fun) lifestyle in Korea. All the drinking and partying was great. All the gossip, hangovers, and psychopaths got old. Yes, a book on that will be coming out shortly. The Working Title is Cutting a Lime with Steel Chopsticks: a Pamphlet for Expat Dummies on How to Start a Business as a Foreigner in Seoul, South Korea written by an American Ding-Song. I'm hoping it will be as funny as the whole process was in real life. Some of the catch-22s thrown at me and my partner Andy (who will be called Dandy or Candy or Mandy in this book as the names are very well disguised cause I don't want any libel) were totally ridiculous and would require you to be in three places in the universe at the same time while traveling in time. But such is bureaucracy and the truth is that the process was a lot of fun and taught me to finally be a man (though many would still call me an immature bald cocksucker), made me dig in stand firmly on my own feet against a sometimes hostile host country, got me hundreds of new friends, many new girlfriends (which was quite counterproductive for the most part), and saw me start family life under probably the worst circumstances apart from being dead. 

from the Sacred Calendar
The Mayan Sign Q'anil from the Sacred Calendar

Four Gifts the Maya Gave You

27 April 2014

Funny Prices

$1,800.00 for one copy of Glyphic. That seems about right. What a masterpiece!! One day the rest of the world will realize. 

07 March 2014

Self-cleaning Potty

Here's a cool gif of Damani, my son, cleaning his own potty. In the beginning he enjoyed cleaning it. Now he tries to shirk this responsibility.

I really didn't expect raising kids would be this much fun. I thought I'd be smacking him away with one hand while trying to write with the other (which does sometimes occur).

02 December 2013

Ralph-Michael Chiaia: What is it?

Ralph-Michael Chiaia: What is it?: What book rhymes with terrific and specific? with transpacific, scientific, cryptic, and artistic?

17 November 2013

As Kurtis Blow says, "these are the breaks"

A reviewer gave Jean-Paul Sartre and I both 1 star but, don't fret, Life of Pi (that's a movie, you know) got 4 stars and Twilight got 5. I feel pure bliss about being with the right company.

This post is just poking fun at how different our tastes can be. Don't be offended, it's just art!

Luckily, I write just for fun and to grow my soul. I already knew that what I write doesn't belong to any genre and it is going to be ultimately a small and ever-shrinking group of people who like what I do. As Vonnegut would say, so it goes.

07 November 2013

Glyphic -- Latin American Ooga Booga in a Novella in Verse

Buy yourself a copy and read this book of poems, news clippings, emails, dictionary entries, and more. It's an experimental hodgepodge of forms riddled with Latin American ooga booga written to the metronome of the shaman of Guatemala and Chiapas. 

I'm still looking for reviews, so if you're willing to write one then drop me a line and I'll send you a free copy for you to read.

You can buy a copy at Amazon.com or get a signed copy directly from me. 

24 October 2013

Two Weeks and Counting

In two weeks, my novella in verse Glyphic will be out at amazon.com. You can pre-order today. 

The book is filled with travelogue, curanderos, sexy chicas, men with pipes, guns, and guitars, news clippings, emails between a Mayanist and his adventurous brother, a K'iche'-Spanish-English dictionary, and lyrical yet fragmented poems that interweave into one story. 
The Sacred Calendar
book of 20 poems by Ralph-Michael Chiaia
followed by information about the Tzolkin

The Sacred Calendar has been downloaded hundreds of times and people continue to give me interesting praise, comments, and inquiries after reading. In the back of the book are resources so you can see your own sign and learn a little bit more about yourself and about the Sacred Calendar. 

11 June 2013

The Sacred Calendar is available in these formats:

  • Kindle
  • iBook
  • Nook
  • Kobo
  • PDF
  • RTF
  • And More

All formats possible from Smashwords (it takes a minute to sign up for an account, if you don't already have one)

I think that e-publishing is going to be the wave of the future, and I'm really happy that Smashwords exists and makes it possible to get work out there in all these various formats. 

The Sacred Calendar is still in queue with MJH who is planning to publish it in print (paperback) with some artwork as part of a small gallery project. Hopefully that happens some time this year. 

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